I missed my own blogoversary

It occurred to me a few days ago that it must be somewhere around a year since I started this 'ol blog - and wouldn't you know it, it has been MORE than a year. A year and 16 days to be exact. I won't feel too silly for forgetting this given I was totally blog free until I got back on the 8th, and maybe I shouldn't even celebrate since I've taken the last few months off - but what the heck, a year's a year, right?

I'm excited because as I've said before, this is some of the only writing or journaling (if it can be called either!) that I've stuck to consistently and regularly (the last two months notwithstanding). Each time I write a post it is like a little gift I give myself, taking the space to process whatever thoughts or experience I'm in the midst of. I try not to chastise myself for whatever comes out - I try to give myself space to feel, to question, to puzzle - to lay a few chunks of my life out in the open and acknowledge that they are part of me. It's the gift that keeps on giving because when I'm lucky, these thoughts transcend solitude when they are joined by those of the dear folks who frequent this site.

I haven't quite figured out what my site is all about in blog terms. I was honored by FG's recognition of me as a "Thinking Blogger," (something I promise to follow-through on with my own award once I'm back in the blogging groove) and would like to step up my involvement with Indiebloggers. But aside from that, I don't feel a need to be categorized or fit a blogging niche. I simply love this space, love that it exists because I put it here and continues because I come to it and write. I love that it's found me a group of people I've never met (and perhaps never will) who I admire and whose own writings invite me on a daily basis into a whole spectrum of experiences that I often feel intimately connected to. At other times I'm just a spectator enjoying the variety that comes with the lives of those around you who choose to share it.

In honor of this milestone, I've collected a few of my favorite posts. Enjoy!

...you answer
A slight digression: my boobs made me do it
Tracing my neuroses
In honor of a girl who knows her heart
2006: Black jack - hit me
Contending with contentment

the tears of life lived

Today was a day of sifting through things that were once a part of my daily life. I unpacked our storage area and priced about a million odds and ends for a garage sale tomorrow morning (well I wish it was a million odds and ends - even if I sold everything for a quarter I'd be in good shape!). Tonight, my roommate* helped me start loading up my room - taking all my sacred boxes of pictures and journals and art down from the top of my closet to get them ready to send on to their next resting place.

Regardless of whether you've laid your head to rest next to all these things every night for a number of years, it's usually only when you move that they get the love they deserve. I've come across letters I've cherished since high school. Journals full of teenage angst and the absolute explosive joy of first love. Artistic endeavors, friends now lost, trinkets collected around the world - all mementos I've carried from home to home to home.

I'm letting go of a few. The music box that plays "You are my sunshine" that the first (and somewhat only) boy to break my heart gave me on my birthday because it was our song - it's going in the garage sale pile. But there are some things, like the letter that my brother Todd wrote me on my 16th birthday that makes me cry just holding the envelope for all the love it holds inside, that will be packaged oh-so-carefully so that they can be stumbled upon once again when I figure out where I'll next call home and bring tears to my eyes once again.

And when that happens, there will be a whole new set of reminders of this time to accompany them. Pictures, and cards and music - the things that remind me of where I've been these last two and a half years - and the six before them - of the people who shared this time with me, the tasks I undertook - the heart aches, the celebrations, the losses and most importantly, the gains.

But the best parts - the things that transcend all these mementos I'll take with me are the voices I'll continue to hear (though sometimes now by phone), and the trips we'll continue to take, and the celebrations we'll continue to share. Because these eight and a half years have been life being lived, and you don't leave that behind - you take it with you.




*The Frenchman asked me the other day why I call her my roomate, and not by her name. What he should really ask is why I don't call her my darling dearest most wonderful friend - because that's what she is. But because that might make me sound suspiciously non-hetero, I stick with roomate, because this girl has lived with me, and trust that my point comes across :)

Valentine's: Not just a day for lovers

I got home last night from the mountains with bags full of ski gear and airline peanuts. My room is in shambles - in the last few weeks I feel like I've been packing and unpacking non-stop for various trips. My valentine's plans entail more of this, but I'll be fixing myself a Bellini cocktail with the last of my bottle I bought in Montreal to make the night more enjoyable.

I'm back in the office today for my penultimate day of work - after the final day tomorrow I'm grabbing dinner with a friend and then heading to L.A. to stay the night before flying to Dallas on Friday. When I set all these plans in motion I worried I was going to fill up this carefully planned for "free time" too much - and prevent myself from getting into the research and life planning I'd hoped to use these weeks for. Thankfully, it's all coming together. I've been reading, taking notes, contacting people - setting a schedule I can stick to in place before I head to Africa. What this means is that as I prepare to officially leave the security of my job (until now it's just been far off on the horizon - now it's HERE) I can do so with confidence. I know I'm doing the right thing - the synapses in my mind and heart and soul are on fire - the ideas are coming, the inspiration is coming - I'm excited practically non-stop.

So my sweetheart isn't here on Valentine's day (but I kinda do have a sweetheart - how did that happen!?) - but I have plenty to celebrate and embrace in the spirit of love as I fill the day with closing this chapter in my life and keeping the next-step wheels in motion. I wish you all the best whether you are with someone you love today or simply taking a few moments to love yourself and the life you're living!

da me un momento...

S'mat has made me rather self conscious about my delay in posting and replying to comments in the past few days! But - I'm really just trying to wait until I get my snazzy new masthead up (don't look - it's not up right yet but it will be soon!) and then give credit where credit is due. Plus, I'm at home at the moment having moved my first load of stuff home - mostly shoes and books (a girl's best friends, right?). I'm currently wearing my super-soft and cozy uggs and feeling quite blessed to be enjoying a weekend with my equally soft and cozy little nephew, Dexter. Oh, and I just had some ice cream - does life get any better than that? Apparently yes, as I'm about to make some cookies with my niece and nephew Hanna and Daniel and our little cousin David. So I promise I'll be back to my normal schedule soon and like I said, don't look because my new layout isn't ready!

Have a great Monday y'all!

when the universe conspires for you

So today is day 1 of the rest of my life. I got up this morning, said goodbye to one of my bestest friends who spent the weekend with me (and what fun we had!) and headed to a doctor's appointment to get stocked up on various prescriptions and antibiotics (one set for a sinus infection I've just come down with, and one to have on hand for my trip, per state department recommendations :). Really mundane stuff but all done with a total spring to my step. I got a call from work around 11:15 to answer a few quick questions and then I got to tell them my fun news - I'm going to be filming a mini how-to segment for a new product my cousin has developed at a major craft convention taking place nearby tomorrow.

Here's how it happened - I went to the convention yesterday with my friend and met another cousin there who is doing some PR for these craft kits my other cousin has developed. We stumbled upon a booth that was doing demos of silver clay (this stuff is the absolute COOLEST - if I hadn't just dropped off my memory card to hopefully be recovered I'd show you a picture of the necklace I made!) and in the middle of making this little pendant a t.v. crew that was covering the show for a division of HGTV came by with their host. They sat him down right next to me and gave him my work materials so he could look like he was doing something while they filmed the sign-off for his segment. This left me just sitting there, which made me feel more or less useless in the shot, so I got up and let the representative for the silver clay sit down so she could instruct him.

In the meantime, this led me to be standing back next to the producer and the camera people - and it occurred to me I should ask them if they were still looking for products to feature, because I happened to have a "museable" there in my bag. They were, I gave them the kit - one thing led to another and we'll be filming a how-to create a museable segment tomorrow at 3:00! Now it's not as if I have any aspirations to be on t.v. - I just think it's neat that the very fact I no longer have a job is allowing me to follow through on this for my cousin - and hopefully give her product more exposure to the world (it will air in May and we'll keep our fingers crossed that our super cool product which includes film that disappears instantly in water - seriously cool - will make it on the show).

On top of that, I finally have a few days to focus on some materials for a business idea I've had for a long time and have a friend who is actually excited about working on it with me. Oh the absolute joy of being able to focus your attention on the things that matter to you! I'm not trying to gloat - I'm really just trying to embrace these moments (hopefully the first of many) for what they are - glimses of life as I'd like to live it - where opportunities can be embraced as they come up, and ideas followed through on.

So that's that - your comments were starting to make me thing that I'd sent the message I was taking off - I'm not! Just rearranging my life a bit and of course this is one of my favorite spaces to reflect on that. I'm so thankful for the people that read this and share their own thoughts, encouragement and places that they're at along the way - seriously, thank you guys!