Happy Halloween!

I got home late last night and I'm zonked - so an extended post that tries to capture the absolute brilliance of this past weekend will have to wait. In the meantime, here are a few pics to whet your appetite. I mentioned my costume went with the whole Are You My Wife theme - though I must say it wasn't the most politically correct get-up I've ever come up with...

The mail-order bride and her date (please note the t-shirt says, "From Russia with Love":



The mail-order bride and the indescribable Fest-Of-Evil creator/producer/host - Harry:



Hope everyone has a fantastic and safe Halloween - my recap of the weekend will be up soon, and I'm sure Allan is working on his as well. Cheers!

I'm going to be on t.v.!

For all you Canadians - this is quite last minute but if you have a chance, tune in to the second viewing of "La fosses aux lionnes" at 11:30p.m. on radio Canada. My date for the weekend, Allan, is getting interviewed - and they did a quick shot of me (and then he made a joke about how I don't speak french). Believe me - this trip makes me want to speak french! I think there could be hope for me too! When I hear things like, "creme de la creme" or "phantoms" or "merde," I totally understand them. I figure I am practically fluent.

O.k. - the wine and cheese await - we're hanging out with Kyle and Dom from One Red Paperclip. These guys are so wired though (Allan has an interview tonight with a Canadian station, Kyle's on the phone doing an interview with China. China!) so I had to jump on and hope one of the Montreallers (I've been corrected from my use of Montrealite, but I still don't know how to spell it - apologies!) can catch the show.

Tomorrow, I'm Off!

First off - thank you too all the Montrealites (someone please tell me if this is an acceptable term?) for the tips on what to visit while I'm in town, and the general insight into the city you offer by way of your individual blogs. I feel like there's something cosmic at work here in that I started this blog about dating however many months ago, started to explore the blogosphere and ended up finding a number of Canadian blogs I was drawn to, managed to interest a few Canadian readers and now I'm headed to your homeland for an actual date. I can't wait!

The Holloween costume is ready to go - I'll post pics as soon as I return :)

On a totally un-related note, I want to take a minute to reflect on just how amazing people can be. While I was getting my morning tea a minute ago I ran into a co-worker who I've chatted with from time to time but don't see very often. I asked her about her studies (she's in school part time to be a nurse) and as we talked I learned about this huge new development in her life. About 6 months ago she took over guardianship for a friend's 6 and 8 year olds after she passed away. She's been with her husband for 15 years, they could never have children and earlier in the year she'd finally made peace with it. She says a week later these children came into her life. Perhaps it wasn't what she originally envisiones when dreaming of being a mother, but look how it turned out. I am just wowed when people are open to life developing like this - especially when it involves caring for someone else in the process. On a similar note, my parents have spent the last year or so volunteering as CASAs (Court Appointed Special Advocates) for four girls that have been in and out of the foster system due to their parents long-time struggles with alcohol. My parents have stepped in to advocate on their behalf, spending countless hours going above and beyond the call of duty to not only care for these amazing girls, but to help their parents as much as possible so that in the long run, this family can someday be reunited. For these girls, these are the grandparents they've never had - and they've really developed a great relationship. Again, I am just wowed - handling their case is not easy, it's stressful and time consuming and my parents know they have a lot of responsibility as they make recommendations that will affect the girls' futures. But this is what it means to love, to open yourself up beyond the life that you're given or make for yourself and to let something else in - often more rewarding than anything you could have expected.

So there are some warm fuzzies on this gray morning. I'll try and post from Montreal but if I can't I'll have a full update with pics early next week. Wish me luck!

giving thanks

The weekend was wonderful - lots of Dexter time (I got napped on and spit up on in equal parts - you know it's love when you'd rather have someone throw up on you than put him down*). I did some cooking - attempting to make gluten-free girl's veal goulash, but couldn't find any veal in all of Palm Springs...that is until the next night, after I'd already substituted ground beef.

*Future boyfriends please note, you will not be extended the same treatment after a heavy night of drinking.

I drove back from the desert this morning. Some observations in the realm of social commentary reflecting the political makeup of the Palm Springs area. The first five radio stations I scanned through were all Christian music or preachers. The 6th was a morning talk show discussing how a guest had attended a rock show the night before where he was peed on by the drunk guy sitting behind him. The host was sure to let the guest telling the story know that when doing so, he couldn't say the "p" word on air - which I assume means "piss" (please note I detest this word and only type it for the sake of the story). This led to a discussion of how hard it is to be on the radio these days with all the censoring and various limitations they must take into consideration when conducting "talk" radio - apparently bodily functions are to be treated with sensitivity, among other things. The 7th station was another Christian station, though this one was in Spanish. Food for thought.

I just got back from lunch with my ex. We had a great conversation a couple of weeks ago (I think the best since our break up - it's taken a LONG time to get to this point) and it seems like we were ready for a real get together, one that wouldn't involve one of us falling apart in someway or another (meaning me bursting into tears, or him shutting down completely - he's not much of a cryer). It was so nice - we caught up on each other's families, our work, our friends - the things that make up our daily lives and are most dear to us. It was happy and comfortable, and I left thinking it would be the first time we'd gotten together where I didn't cry at some point at the hopelessness of loving someone you know you can't be with. Of course I did cry as I was driving away - but it was good tears. Heather's blog today includes a list of all the things she's learned from past boyfriends, written in the form of a thank you. It's a lovely list - a list that reflects that no matter how something turns out - being with someone means giving and receiving - and there are always good lessons to take away. Today, as we shared from a place of mutual love and respect - sharing freely and with some of the vulnerability that is lost until you reach this point, I realized that I will probably never lose that nugget of sadness that surfaces each time we walk away from each other into such separate lives. Still - we are at a point where we can share some of the things that speak to our souls again. As we drove off we sent each other text messages with songs and bands to look up because more than anything, we understand that moment when a song sheds a little light on what to make of this life - and we still know how to give each other this gift. For this, I am thankful.

off to see my favorite snuggle-buddy

Dexter and I will be vacationing in the desert this weekend. Oh yah, the rest of the family will be there too.

dooced

Ok, I haven't been fired for blogging - but it almost feels that way. I've had my first experience of real life and bloggage intersecting - and as I've used this forum to share some pretty intimate things about certain friendships and relationships (as well as my very first attempt at a traditional "dating" life), I'm not the only one affected by what's written.

This is not a blog about nothing - about funny signs, or t.v. episodes or fashion (which I love, but don't have much of). It's about a girl who ultimately wants to find love - the right love, the one that makes me feel like I'm experiencing all that life has to offer, that my life is enhanced by the mere presence of another. A love that more than anything makes me want to step outside of the confines of life as an individual to explore the realm of life with someone else. And so I write and I share about experiences I'm having along the way - some trivial, some silly. I have more "crushes" than I care to admit. But deep down, it's real stuff I'm after - and somehow having a venue to share about the path towards that end has been deeply gratifying. Whether it's people I've never met offering their thoughts, or having a mutual "blog" relationship where I have access to their own life stories, it helps. I care what people think - I like input, and sometimes in daily life there aren't enough opportunities for that. Or perhaps its just easier in print than it is on the phone, or over coffee, to sort it all out. I imagine anyone who writes needs no explanation of this.

But...these words on these pages reflect a real life lived. And real people with whom it is lived. People I love and care about and treasure. And a few of them don't know about this blog. But my lack of web savvy seems to have changed that, and now I'm trying to offer an explanation for a forum that I put out there into the world, and yet expected to remain private enough. What I lack in web savvy, I hope I make up for in heart.

*UPDATE*

O.k. - the cats out of the bag, kinda. I hinted about a week ago that I had a potentially adventurous date coming up. You can actually read about it (and the project it's a part of) at areyoumywife-dot-blogspot-dot-com. Go to the Halloween date page and the girl flying in from Cali, well, that's me! I first found the site a few months back when I was following the One Red Paperclip story, and thought Allan had a neat idea when taking on the task of finding what he calls a "partner in crime." I wrote in inviting him on a date should he ever be in Southern California - I proposed an "around the world So-Cal style" date that would involve visiting all the various cultural centers around L.A. (Little India, Koreatown, Little Ethiopia), eating yummy food and collecting stories from people we met along the way. Allan liked the idea and would write periodically to keep me posted on his travel plans and let me know when he thought he'd make it to Cali to take me up on my offer. However - when the opportunity to go to Montreal as part of a Halloween event he participates in every year came up, and he encouraged me to come thinking I'd enjoy it (based on the emails we'd exchanged and my date proposal), I took a leap of faith and booked a ticket. I love to travel and Montreal intrigues me - and this will be five days of seeing a city through the eyes of a native son, not to mention meeting a bunch of people that are part of a creative community as they put on what's rumored to be a hell of a Halloween party. I'll be staying with Allan's family and part of my proposal for this date (I had to play by the rules of course) was for him to show me his favorite child hood spots and also to explore any local legends/ghost stories about Montreal in the spirit of Halloween. I leave next Wednesday and will be following up his two most recent dates - rock climbing and scuba diving.

Do I think I might be meeting my future spouse? Probably not. Is it gonna be a hell of a trip and story? Almost certainly :)

A gold star to anyone who can guess my Halloween costume (it plays to the theme) and for all you Canadians - any travel tips or things must see/do in Montreal are welcome!

*edited 10/19 when I realized how intra-blog linking works. Oops.

A step

I have a visitor coming to town this weekend - my high school boyfriend. He has family nearby and when I saw him last in the Bay Area he said he'd be coming down soon and I invited him to visit. Given how we left things I think it has the potential to be like one big date of a weekend. I'm not nervous because I'm completely comfortable with him and I know it's going to be a blast to explore where I live from a "tourist's" perspective and share some of my favorite things, places and people with him. I am a bit nervous because this will be the longest time I've spent with someone with that sort of connection/attraction since my break up - and I am always wary of falling into a situation because it's comfortable, versus because it's right. I'm trying to chill myself the hell out - let this simply be an experience and not something that carries the weight of my future on it. A weekend is just a weekend afterall, it doesn't have to mean getting into a relationship, though I can't help but think that's hanging out there in the wings as an option. I'm too excited to worry about the logistics and what the dynamics between us are going to be - I need to just let it unfold and see how I feel, how he feels and how to proceed from there.

Columbus Day

Today marks something like the 4th week in a row of 4-day work weeks. Why I'd ever consider leaving this job is beyond me (I jest, although the vacation and time off IS going to make it extremely hard). I spent much of this three day weekend cleaning and sorting through things - I got SO much done, managed to have a little fun and feel very well rested (which after last weekend is a blessing and a half). Yesterday I went grocery shopping and kept my eye out for the cute Trader Joe's guy - though when I found him I managed to turn into a complete dork and rather than say something cute about how I was supposed to teach him to surf (as we discussed the first time I saw him) I could only muster enough courage to ask him whether they had a low-fat feta (we were in the cheese section afterall), to which he said they didn't. I did correct him after I found the low-fat feta, and gave him a wicked coy smile when I ran into him a bit later - but left it at that. I suppose there's always next week.

Tonight I went to dinner with a guy I met last weekend. I started a post I never finished about the night, which resulted in me and a girlfriend going to a random party after we closed down the bar we were at, and she promptly exploring a dark corner with the cute, Harvard-grad, Democrat we had met up with - which left me with the loud, USC-grad (my girlfriend's alma mater), REPUBLICAN. Yes, a good deal of the night was spent with us shrieking at each other - although I must say I spent a plenty of time telling him I didn't want to argue - that arguing is everything that's wrong with politics (both parties) today. Still, by the end of the night he insisted on taking me to dinner and hell, I won't turn down a good dinner and fiery conversation if presented. So we went out tonight and managed to leave politics and global affairs off the table all the way through the appetizer - and then all systems were go. I must say, he talked much more than I did - and he knew what he was talking about - though I couldn't get him to see that we're not necessarily on different sides of the fence - we just look at things from a different perspective, thus the framework of our conversation as a whole could be different. I do learn a lot in these conversations - when I take the time to really listen to someone who has different political perspectives than I do - and I think it's important to do so. Still, it never ceases to amaze me that when it comes down to it, idealogy is often left out of the political system all together - it ends up black or white, right or wrong all too often and a bigger picture thought process isn't accessible. This is never more true than in the "war on terror" - when people really feel every moment is choosing between good or evil - and thus its easy to throw basic democratic fundamentals out the window in the name of protection. Ok, the white wine is getting to me - I'll sign off before I say anything that could be held against me!

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend - I hope to have more fun updates soon :)

Rest in peace sweet girls

My heart goes out to the families burying their daughters today, and the family left behind by their troubled killer. I am thankful for the incredible lesson of faith they have shared in response to an absolutely incomprehensible situation.

On a lark...

I just did the absolute ballsiest thing I've ever done in the name of dating. I can't tell you what yet, but let's just say it involves dressing up, an airplane and meeting the parents...more to come in the next week or two...

2006: Black Jack - hit me

Ok - the title of this post is supposed to reference the oh-so-desirable of numbers, 21. In so many ways, 21 is a great number. Combine the legal drinking age (at least for us Americans) and a perfect hand at black jack, and you're unstoppable. So unstoppable, that it seems for men, this is the age at which they up the anti in the pick-up department, and their focus seems to be me. Seriously, I have been hit on by more 21 year olds this year than any other demographic. It started with the navy boy (who was actually 20 back then, but in a bar, so who'd a thunk it?), then a waiter I was this close to going out with, until his age creeped me out (it being shortly after the navy boy and me not wanting to start any trends). Then a random guy I danced with a couple of months ago, then the mother of all come-ons, Joe - who I stumbled upon at Trader Joes. By that point I had honed my ability to say nicely, but firmly, "Yes, 21 IS too young for me." While I don't think a 5 year age difference will be a big deal later in life - in your 20's, it's somewhat huge. And in your early twenties, even huger. And if it's a younger guy vs. a younger girl - say no more.

I'll pause for a moment to share about this Joe guy - he was bizarre to say the least. As I was doing my Sunday grocery shopping, enjoying the eye candy that Trader Joe's often offers, I happened to glance up from the tortilla chip labels I was scrutinizing and catch this extremely young-looking guy's eye. "If you think I was staring at you," he said, "I was. You look exactly like a girl I went to college with." I asked him where he went to school (I later regretted starting the conversation) and found out he went to Brown, but had left sometime after his first year as his father had become ill and he needed to help out with the family. In the ensuing conversation (conversation being a bit of a misnomer as I listened to his life story and occasionally interjected when I simply couldn't believe my ears, like when he said that he learned a lot in college, including the fact that "All gay people aren't totally promiscuous and practicing unsafe sex." I had to give him kudos -incredulously- for that grand epiphany. Glad the ivy league taught him something). I heard all about his conservative upbringing, how he didn't like college because in their attempt to be different and assertive about their beliefs, everyone ended up just typecasting themselves (I agreed to a certain extent with this - but he left while kids were still in that 'setting myself apart' stage - I think the whole college process takes you through that, he left before he saw any of the maturing that hopefully follows) and about his various opinions on race, taxes, national defense and education. All this peppered with continued requests to go to dinner with him, that 21 was not too young, especially if he was the 21 year old in question - as he's quite mature for his age and already looking for the perfect wife to compliment his sure-to-be exemplary future in which he is a CEO or CFO (and certain millionaire - this is Newport Coast, afterall). Mind you, he's not looking for a woman who wants a career of her own, he needs someone who will be willing to nurture their children and balance out his strong, un-emotional personality. He mentioned many times his confusions about emotions and how he knows they exist but philosophically he can't really explain them and he doesn't quite know how to let them play a role in his life. ALL THIS IN THE CHIP AISLE AT TRADER JOES, while countless cute, older and slightly less ODD gentleman passed by - none having the wherewithal to step in, grab my hand and offer a sympathetic, "honey, I've been looking for you, let's go pick out some bananas" and then strike up a charming conversation as we do pick out bananas, culminating in a real date being set up with this dashing stranger (oh wait, that only happens in movies? Damn.)

The latest in the string of 21 year olds was a guy at a country line dancing bar Friday before last, and a guy at a hip hop show I went to this past Friday night. They could have been the same person - they used the exact same lines, both repeatedly asked me to kiss them (within moments of striking up conversation) and marveled at my beauty even though I've weathered 26 whole years on this planet. The one this past Friday went so far as to suggest I'm looking for someone to settle down with and have kids, when I held firm to 21 being too young for me and suggested I'm looking for someone my age or older. "I just wanna have fun and hook up" he said. Exactly. Been there, done that - will likely do it a little more, but for the love of God - with men that are at least within a few 365-day cycles of myself.

If life is a game of black jack, it's been dealing me routine hands of 21 - and if It weren't against the rules of the game, I'd still say "hit me" and be happy to go bust.