Thursday, October 19, 2006

dooced

Ok, I haven't been fired for blogging - but it almost feels that way. I've had my first experience of real life and bloggage intersecting - and as I've used this forum to share some pretty intimate things about certain friendships and relationships (as well as my very first attempt at a traditional "dating" life), I'm not the only one affected by what's written.

This is not a blog about nothing - about funny signs, or t.v. episodes or fashion (which I love, but don't have much of). It's about a girl who ultimately wants to find love - the right love, the one that makes me feel like I'm experiencing all that life has to offer, that my life is enhanced by the mere presence of another. A love that more than anything makes me want to step outside of the confines of life as an individual to explore the realm of life with someone else. And so I write and I share about experiences I'm having along the way - some trivial, some silly. I have more "crushes" than I care to admit. But deep down, it's real stuff I'm after - and somehow having a venue to share about the path towards that end has been deeply gratifying. Whether it's people I've never met offering their thoughts, or having a mutual "blog" relationship where I have access to their own life stories, it helps. I care what people think - I like input, and sometimes in daily life there aren't enough opportunities for that. Or perhaps its just easier in print than it is on the phone, or over coffee, to sort it all out. I imagine anyone who writes needs no explanation of this.

But...these words on these pages reflect a real life lived. And real people with whom it is lived. People I love and care about and treasure. And a few of them don't know about this blog. But my lack of web savvy seems to have changed that, and now I'm trying to offer an explanation for a forum that I put out there into the world, and yet expected to remain private enough. What I lack in web savvy, I hope I make up for in heart.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Leah said...

Oh yes, that whole thing. Rule of thumb: Always expect that people you know will find your blog. Because they always do. And sometimes they don't tell you about it for months and months and months and then when you finally know they know, well, you die.

10/19/2006 11:30 AM  
Blogger Mac said...

You definitely have more than enough heart. And what is true always comes out at the end regardless. You should expect that everyone you know and care about will eventually read because it is public.

As I am writing I know that it's pretty much open to everyone except my daughter. But I have to be responsible and realize that someday she will read it as well.

You do not have to apologize for your thoughts and meditations or even desires.

Thomas Merton wrote openly and in a costly way, but he did so because he felt lying led to violence and internal conflict. It's best to keep the table open and clean and sometimes writing about it is a very good way.

I like your blog.

10/19/2006 4:50 PM  
Blogger H said...

Your post really made me think. None of my close friends know I have a blog, either. It would almost feel like an invasion of privacy if people I was really close to actually read some of the things I wrote. But, I suppose this seems contradictory, doesn't it? Otherwise, I'd still be keeping a diary with a flimsy little key-lock under my bed!

10/19/2006 7:48 PM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

leah - good advice, I've been forwarned :)

bro - thank you.

heather l - exactly. I'm not sure why I can say things to the internet differently than I can to someone in front of me, but at the same time, I feel like it's my right to have this space to be honest, and a lock&key diary's just never done it for me.

10/19/2006 11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't tell my boyfriend about my blog for a long time because I knew he would crack jokes. I don't say bad things about him but it was just something that is mine. Even though he found it he rarely reads it. I'm not sure if that is because he doesn't care or wants to let me have my thing. I don't know if it matters or not. I was a little shocked when a work person who I hadn't told about it found it though.

10/20/2006 9:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It can suck when people you don't to find your blog finally do (and as Leah says, they eventally will), but whatever you do don't let it chage your behavior or what you write about. Don't edit yourself because you're afraid of what someone might think. Just keep doing what you're doing!

10/23/2006 1:40 PM  
Blogger Isabel Brinck said...

I've gone through several stages of inner turmoil since I started writing my blog two years ago. I had a website before that, but it wasn't the same.
I even stopped writing my blog for a couple of months because I felt so ridiculous and over-exposed.
I've learned that this is normal, and it happens to just about everyone who blogs about his or her life.
You'll find your own balance. I like what mac quoted from that T. Merton dude.

10/23/2006 6:53 PM  

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