on gained awareness

Say, for example, you're holding your nephew as you get him ready for bed. You're in the kitchen, the electric kettle is on, the glass bottle in hand ready to warm it up. You're walking between the sink and the fridge, talking to him, giving him a heads up that it's almost time for bed...we're going to sing some songs, have a bottle and call it a night (he likes to be prepared). Say that in the midst of this activity you surreptitiously pass a little gas, assuming that it will be lost in the shuffle and heck, he's only 19 months old, how big of a deal might that be?


A noticeable one, to be sure.

life is good

On tonight's menu:

Artisan cheeses with truffle infused honey and a balsamic fig reduction
Citrus and Avocado Arugala Salad
Fresh blue cheese and potato gnocchi
Creme puffs with fresh strawberry filling

Oh, and copious amounts of wine.

my math is all wrong

Last night we went to Millenium in the city for a glorious round of vegan delights, organic wine and muddled mint cocktails in celebration of my mom's 65 years on this planet. A smorgasbord of indulgence - from the chantrelle fois gras to the chocolate stout ice cream, DO NOT MISS THIS RESTAURANT when you next venture to SF (ooh, and take me). My mom was delighted, and one of my dearest friends wrote her an outstanding poem celebrating all the things that make her wonderful - and thankfully, the funny parts didn't result in her peeing her pants with laughter.

Afterwards, the younger generation went on for drinks at a speak easy down the street, where the pomegranate martinis sent me over the edge. And by over the edge I mean pulling a Vanna White on the floor to ceiling bookcase that turned out to be filled with real, authentic books. Imagine! I was suddenly fascinated with calculus - and did my best encourage all the young SF-ites around me that calculus really is a lost art form. Or maybe I just regaled them with how I got a D- in it my freshman year of college, which was technically a passing grade, and thus I haven't had a thing to do with it since.*

On the way home I cranked up the Britney (I make no apologies, Gimme More has the best beat I know for the ride home car party) and made my roommate take us to Blondie's for pizza. Then I crawled into bed and marveled at how my room suddenly looked like I wasn't the only one getting into my bed (clothes and shoes strewn about) and prayed that I wouldn't still be tipsy in the morning.

I am.



*And by "calculus" I really mean "pre-calculus." Lame!

absence

You should see my draft folder. Or the scraps of paper throughout my purse. Or the notebook in which I'm attempting to keep a running to-do list. For, in all, you'd find writing - and good, insightful writing at that. Somehow, it just doesn't make it to this here blog. I'm sorry for that. The truth is, if I take things back to the origins of this blog - to dating, the quest for love and figuring out all things related to the heart - well, I have more to write about now than ever. This might sound silly, but I literally have guys (o.k., graceful woman, perhaps I should call them MEN) coming out of my ears. From a long-term friend who still holds out hope, to a more casual friend whose hints about me being the "perfect woman" are getting more and more frequent, to the Frenchman and of course the more local beau (currently avoiding me following the Frenchman's visit), to a friend in Kenya who flirts over gmail about my impending move to Nairobi, and the new arrival of the most charming (but younger!) man I've ever met - I'm having trouble making sense of it all.

So you'd think I would be writing about it, for this is where all the emotion and angst of such things usually spills forth. Perhaps it's that nothing about all of this feels 'so-called' anymore, it all seems very, very real. The opportunities, the attention - the possibilities for heart ache (and not just my own), the variety! And more than that, the change in my perspective as more and more of my friends couple up - in good, healthy couplings at that, and I start to see how important it is to make good choices in who you "settle" down with (ha!). Still, If the universe is telling me anything amidst all this attention, I'd have to say it is to look at things in any way but in terms of settling, but to instead take advantage of the opportunity to get to know people and evaluate how I react to certain attention, with whom do I feel most at ease, most myself? Who is inspiring? Who is intimidating? To who (whom?) can I return the same level of affection being offered? It is hard to look at people and relationships for such pure educational gain - but given my impending departure for far off lands, settling down with anyone right now makes little to no sense (though no, that doesn't mean I'm counting anyone out!).

So I'll keep meandering through, enjoying the flattery of various suitors, and hopefully coming up with something to share while I attempt to not be so hard on myself for allowing the attention. I do have a sense that it's all a part of the journey that ends with me and my heart being ready to ultimately take that leap and focus on one person that I will invite into my life and the path I'm on. I know deep down this is what I want, but I kid you not in recent years there have been moments when it has been the most terrifying of prospects. I think I'm gradually growing out of that commitment phobia, but I suppose it never hurts to go out with a bang (and let's not take that out of context, shall we?).

working on it

“Don’t just be an aging female … become a real woman!” - Maya Angelou

hope in all places

"Before Kibaki and Raila made peace, we made peace on the ground," Osodo said. "They called Kofi Annan, but me, I didn't call Annan. I called my brothers."