Exit strategy

It's official, I am unemployed. As my boss was giving me my "exit interview" today one of the questions was, "are you currently pursuing other employment?" I can just imagine the HR analyst who reviews my interview and sees my answer of "no" and questions, "who is this idiot that quit and not only has no job lined up, but isn't even looking?" Allow me to quote the Spartan cheerleaders: "IT'S ME! IT'S ME!"

Today was a completely draining day. It put everything into perspective for me - my attempts to leave gracefully (almost achieved though I did leave my replacement with a few more piles of un-filed papers than I'd have liked to), the great people I feel like I've only started to get to know - the days of sitting and dreaming about the future that is suddenly here.

My final little going away shin dig this afternoon was totally Africa themed. There were animals on the cake, a leopard print background and loads of puzzle games and an electronic Texas hold 'em for the long ride over. My co-workers all signed a frame with well wishes and a lot of "good luck not being eaten by lions." I told them that if anything of the sort happens I'll be sure to get a picture as the entertainment value would be priceless.

As I sit here exhausted I realize that this is a lot like finishing college. Just as I sometimes have nightmares that I have a paper due or a final exam for a class I've never attended - it will take some getting used to that my job is no longer my job. The things I worried about, the skills I didn't quite have - the tasks I could never quite complete - I'm done with them all. And I got to leave on the best of notes - with many smiling faces and words of encouragement from people I truly admire. It does make this all more real, somehow. In my head I thought I'd already confronted this goodbye, that I was prepared for it. Perhaps I am, and yet still - I'm not quite sure I can wrap my head around it. Unemployed. Operating entirely on the fancy of none other than myself. Wow.