Thursday, February 08, 2007

spilling the beans

It's taken me a long time to write this post - mostly because I'm trying to be a looker-before-I-leaper (this is the post that put Lemon Gloria in my blog roll). Further, on top of being more of a leaper than a looker, I fear I have an incredible ability to jinx things simply by allowing myself to get excited about them. So in this instance, this "thing", I have been taking it slow. And, I've had help - because this "thing" happens to involve a certain someone who lives in Paris.

I simply had to write about coming across the French boy the night I met him in San Diego. It was unexpected, fun, romantic and overall the type of evening that gives you hope in all things love related. And I knew, without a doubt, that it would not be the last time we saw each other. He was only going to be in San Diego for another week - but somehow it took us a few days to process it all and realize just how easy it would be to see each other again before he left. So, the Thursday night before he took off he came up to Orange County. I made dinner for him and my roommate (I wanted them to meet), he brought a bottle of wine and a load full of cleaning supplies that he didn't want to go to waste when he left his company apartment (which I thought was rather darling) and after dinner we walked down to the ocean. In the midst of a Southern California cold spell, the night was practically balmy. As we sat on the life guard tower at my favorite little cove we continued the getting-to-know-each-other-pouring-out-life-stories we'd begun the first night we met in San Diego.

I was struck more than once by the similar experiences we've had - and something about how he communicated and shared how things that have happened to him in life have affected his overall outlook really resonated with me. But perhaps more important than our somewhat shared histories - is where we're both at in our lives now. Much of what we shared had to do with what so many of us are confronting - how to build a career that's both gratifying, challenging and meaningful - while at the same time trying to figure out who might be out there for you and all the rest of life's most important pieces. I could tell he needed to talk - he needed someone to process this stuff with - and here I was, in the midst of taking those steps that release you from the confines of a not-quite-right career and into the great unknown in the hopes of finding what is meant to be.

Even as I write this I don't quite know what to make of the situation - since he's returned to Paris we've written almost every day - and while emailing has long retired as my favorite means of communication - his willingness to utilize it as the medium most readily offered is impressive. I suppose coming across a man who thrives on communication is a feat in itself - but one I've just met, who lives a world away - well, it's quite something.

I am too superstitious and trying too hard to be the looker rather than the leaper to relay some of the more bizarre signs that have popped up since I met him - suffice it to say that each time one happens, I wonder just how cautious with myself I need to be. When do you give in and allow yourself to accept what fate has put before you? But alas, there I go getting ahead of myself. So for now I'll keep mum on those things - but I will say that in two weeks, Paris' shadow will once again be gracing the shores of Southern California.


Blogger Indiana James said...

As S'Mat will tell you, I have been caught up in that anxious web before. I'd even gone as far as to resolve to myself not to tell anyone about a new girl that I'd met so as not to have it blow up on me like it seemingly did anytime I opened my mouth.

But I learned after the last wonderful and sad experience that's just a silly way to go about it. At some point we all have to leap, just take a quick peak before you go.

2/08/2007 11:16 PM  
Anonymous zura said...

Ahah! Nice on the spilt beans. I have learnt that there really are no guarantees in life and that one should just leap into it feet first. Keep your eyes open, of course, but life is short, so live it fully.

2/09/2007 7:52 AM  
Blogger Eve said...

I don't know either. I'm usually a looker first, but once in a while I get caught up in the moment (sorry for the cliche.) Sometimes you just go with it or "just know" as every married person seems to say. And about the jinxing, I definitely feel ambivalent about this. I don't necessarily think that how you talk about something will affect the outcome, but I do think that verbalizing your feelings sort of solidifies expectations of what will happen. And expectations just screw everything up.

I say, just go with it.

2/09/2007 8:32 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh, wow. That sounds so great - like exactly the kind of connection you want. And the daily communication is fantastic. And a guy in Paris! As you know, I am really struggling not to just jump, because at this point I'm terrified of getting hurt. But this sounds amazing! I'm so excited for you - two weeks is not so far away!

And thank you for linking to my post - I'm so glad you liked it!

2/09/2007 8:35 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Whether being a looker or leaper helps, I hope this ends up adding to your life in a meaningful, wonderful way. That's how I try to look at things now. Whether it lasts or not, if it impacts you, it is worthwhile. I can't wait to hear more about this.

2/09/2007 8:50 AM  
Blogger S'Mat said...

definitely don't look AFTER the leap. i'd go for during, so you can at least pivot like a cat for the best possible landing. the whole temporal flow misfortune we animals are stuck with makes it so hard to project... but you sat on a life-guard tower together, where it's all about looking and leaping simultaneously... that's not a prosaic moment!

2/09/2007 1:37 PM  
Blogger Airam said...

There's nothing wrong with being cautious ... just don't talk yourself out of something you might regret.

2/10/2007 11:03 AM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

James - a quick peak - great idea! Then I'm not really cheating!

Zura - wise words, as always.

Eve - yes, that's a great point about expectations. I think that's what I need to work on more than anything - not putting forth expectations before there's actual data/time spent together to make them valid.

Lisa - I feel ya! And yes - the clock is ticking :)

Megan - SO true. I think I'm getting better at seeing things this way - not for a specific outcome they might bring, but for how they enrich my life in the moment.

S'mat - I think this is one of my favorite comments I've ever received from you. PIVOT LIKE A CAT - now THAT could be a blog name!

Maria - I'm not talking myself out of anything these days :)

2/11/2007 4:37 PM  
Blogger H said...

This sounds so romantic! I love this story, no matter how it ends.

2/12/2007 6:50 AM  
Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Even if nothing comes of it, it's fun to get excited about a new person. I he's a dreamboat.

2/12/2007 7:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home