"Honesty, it's the new viagra"
Would anyone like to wager a guess as to which one of my friends said this? Here's a hint - she goes by the blognomer "Megsfan" and is considered in the top echelon of friends if for no other reason than she actually posts on my blog! There are of course innumerous other reasons why she's one of the besties - among them her willingness to share her own dating adventures/disasters - the last of which led to the title of this post. And while it might have fit in the disaster category the night the guy she was dating did a sneak around kiss out of nowhere as they were about to cross the street (the guy her brother lovingly refered to as 'old and bald,' or was it, 'fat and bald,' well - you get the picture), I think it is now officially a dating triumph, not because she's ended up with the man of her dreams, but because she navigated the complexity of giving a guy a try, getting to know him a bit and learning whether or not you're attracted to him, and then being honest when feelings didn't develop and letting him walk away with some dignity. Let's contrast this approach with that, say, of traffic school boy: Megsfan wins.
On another note, had a conversation this week about the old adage that you shouldn't be dating until you're o.k. with being alone. I am coming to realize that the nugget of wisdom in this idea is not that you should be o.k. being alone - we'll all want companionship at some point - but that you need to be fully o.k. with who you are. If you're unclear on the basics of what makes you tick, or exactly what you're looking for - you run a variety of risks and almost assure that a relationship will get off to the wrong start. Because while attraction and chemistry can be had in the absence of true self-awareness, the more subtle complexities of relationships and communications just aren't that easy. I think in my case I've been approaching dating in reaction to my last relationship - thinking enough time has gone by and I'm young and I've never done this so I should get out there. In reality, I need to tread a little more carefully as some of those big life questions are still fairly unresolved in my book, and now's a great time to tackle them. Not that I'll necessarily find the answers, but perhaps in searching, I'll find a little more of myself.
On another note, had a conversation this week about the old adage that you shouldn't be dating until you're o.k. with being alone. I am coming to realize that the nugget of wisdom in this idea is not that you should be o.k. being alone - we'll all want companionship at some point - but that you need to be fully o.k. with who you are. If you're unclear on the basics of what makes you tick, or exactly what you're looking for - you run a variety of risks and almost assure that a relationship will get off to the wrong start. Because while attraction and chemistry can be had in the absence of true self-awareness, the more subtle complexities of relationships and communications just aren't that easy. I think in my case I've been approaching dating in reaction to my last relationship - thinking enough time has gone by and I'm young and I've never done this so I should get out there. In reality, I need to tread a little more carefully as some of those big life questions are still fairly unresolved in my book, and now's a great time to tackle them. Not that I'll necessarily find the answers, but perhaps in searching, I'll find a little more of myself.
posted by Mood Indigo at 3:40 PM
2 Comments:
hi people on megs blog - I just wanted to say that I know I wasn't attracted to this person on the first date and then was such a nerd because I 2 more dates and then a week to call and say there was not enough chemistry on my end but it was nice to meet you!
ok ok, so you were a jerk to start with but you redeemed yourself in the end!!!
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