melancholy monday

I texted the ex (JC) today on a whim because I knew he'd get a giggle out of the president's SH*$ faux paus this morning. I was surprised when shortly after, my phone rang and the picture I can't bare to delete popped up. He was calling to tell me that is father is in the hospital and very likely on the brink of death, after going in for some stomach pains about a week and a half before. It is shocking news, and I honestly don't know what to do. He sounded very strong, but I know that this will devastate him, and I don't know how much support (if any) he'll want/need from me. I have tried to imagine what would happen if something happened to my dad, who as he ages I am more and more fearful of losing. My dad and JC were very close and I know he would mourn his loss with me, and I'd want him there with me. I don't have a sense if he wants me by his side, but if he does, I will feel called to be - and the wave of emotion that hit me with the news this morning shows me that this would be a very vulnerable place to be. How do you hurt for someone who is no longer yours? And what happens if you do share that hurt with them - is it possible to do that when you're still recovering from being apart without making it worse for the both of you?