changing it up

Man, I look at my blog archives and I really used to write here. Oh, how I miss that! I don't know what it is about this year that writing has not been the medium with which I pour forth all that's been swirling around inside. I've tried not to be too hard on myself, but at the same time I know that writing is a discipline, and all the various benefits (the catharsis, the processing, the support from those who choose to read your words) are the result of such work. Perhaps it's that I'm not ready to process it all, that this year has been about reaching out and identifying the tools I'll need to work through it, when I'm ready. It's definitely involved a fair amount of holding others up in their times of struggle - perhaps the best therapy there can be when you're in the midst of your own.

I have been doing a lot of writing in my head - especially in preparation for my departure for Kenya (mid September!) and will get a new blog to chronicle that experience up soon. I know that I will need to write about this. I pray that I'll have the stamina to process it all on the page - because it is by far the biggest thing I've done yet (and the scariest, and most exciting!). I want to be present in the whole experience, and I know writing will be key.

I have found my voice off the page in a more literal sense this year, and after sending a pretty lame garage band recording (voice/guitar only) of a Coldplay song to some friends, my dear friend Phil returned the following to me. Since I've offered so little by way of words on the page lately, here's a bit of my actual voice. Thanks to those of you who still visit this space, share your own words and are keeping your stories going on your own blogs. I treasure this community and look forward to sharing my next steps with you!

boomp3.com

going out on a limb

It's almost too much to try and summarize this year, package it up so that come tomorrow morning I know what it all meant and where I'm supposed to go from here. I know it's been a ball buster (as if I had balls to bust) in more ways than one. I know I've lived deep, laughed often and learned more about love in all its forms than perhaps ever before. I know that at this moment, I'm kinda down about it all because for so much of this year I thought I was clarifying my direction in life - I've had so much affirmation that the choices I've made have been the right ones. I don't know if it's all the stuff that's come up in recent months, or if it's a winter-induced chemical imbalance, or perhaps it's just my turn to have some down time after starting 2007 with romance and adventures. Either way, I'm having a hard time keeping my optimism cap on these days, so perhaps my only resolution that I hope not to abandon immediately come the new year, is to keep putting myself out there. Keep trying new things, taking advantage of opportunities, pushing my limits.

On that note, here's the result of a bit of just such seizing the moment - the first time I figured out how to use my new macbook to do video, and the second time my singing partner and I met up. You can tell I don't know all the words by heart, that I'm kinda shy even when my only audience is a piece of metal, and that my uploading capabilities are woefully lacking (hence the abrupt cut off at the end...which does me huge favors as we royally bastardized the ending). Still - there it is, some moments to use my voice, to do something just because it feels good and I can.

Happy New Year!!!

falling slowly, and slower still

(Please play before continuing with this post - sometimes life just needs a soundtrack, just ask Cameron Crowe)


Every so often in the midst of life returning to wharp speed and the inevitable heart breaks and joys that ensue, you have to take a moment to think of where you've been. And when you've been half way across the world, immersed in the reality of lives so far from your own comprehension that you still can't wrap your head (or your heart) around where the differences end and the shared humanity begins, you really need to take these moments. They'll catch you off guard - the emotions, the longing, the guilt - so you just try and take it all in as it comes. You attempt to ascribe some sort of definition based on the life you find yourself back in - be it in your relationships, in the lyrics of a song that showed up at just the right time, or in the picture you've framed so you see it first thing in the morning and remember where you were. In this mess of emotions you realize there is no sorting it all out afterall, so it's time to start sharing.

You need to start sharing.

"Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice"

muzac for montrealers

Hey - I know at least a few of the folks who grace my site each day are in Montreal. Well, my favorite singer isn't touring in my neck of the woods anytime soon - but she will be in YOUR lovely city in a few weeks. I will, in turn, be jealous.

Sara Bareilles with Brett Dennen
02/04/07
Green Room
5386 St. LaurentMontreal, QC
H2T 1S1Canada

This is her website. She blows her recorded stuff out of the water live - don't miss it!