Character study

There was a girl on the train who had something stuck in her teeth. Aside from that, she was rather put together. She wore an outfit that managed to be hip without looking as if it was pulled straight from the pages of a magazine, and her boots were to die for. She boarded the train with an air of confidence, but if you stared at her long enough you'd catch her looking at her reflection in the window, worrying about how her limp hair detracted from the rest of her look. She carried no book, no paper and no ipod. Perhaps she meant to bring some sort of distraction along, but in her attempt to leave the house in a put together fashion she forgot her portable entertainment. So she spent the ride instead smoothing her skirt, glancing at her profile and smiling at the people whose gaze she accidentally caught in an attempt to focus her attention on anything but herself.

Belly laughing is good for the soul

When I was in D.C. I made it a point to visit Arlington Cemetery and the Holocaust Museum - two places I'd missed on my first trip there. Needless to say, they are not the easiest places to be. That said, I find them so important in their tribute and memorial to those that have been lost - both willingly and by no choice of their own - to the throws of humanity's darkest side.

After leaving Arlington Cemetery we walked to the WWII memorial so I could take some pictures for my dad, and in so doing passed the following sign:



I don't know if it was the heaviness of Arlington or what, but this launched me into a fit of giggles to the point where I couldn't breathe.

"I don't know, IS there a bathroom to the left?"

"Do you REALLY have to go?"

"There MIGHT be a restroom over there, but you won't know until you try, right?"

I love when laughter shows up at just the right time.

return

I had the great fortune of meeting a few of my favorite bloggers this past Friday on a combined work/vacation trip to D.C. Lemon Gloria and Grad School Reject (and Mrs. Grad School Reject - a special treat!) joined me at Cafe Saint-Ex in D.C. for a couple rounds. It was so neat to verify in person that these people whose thoughts and ponderings have so entertained me in the past year are even more charming in real life than on the computer screen. Even as I recognized the only reason we were meeting in the first place was due to our mutual love of blogging, I had to bashfully admit that lately my blogging habit has been mostly replaced by watching ABC online because it better accommodates the lack of mental capacity I find required to make cold calls all day.

The truth is, these days I do most of my blogging in my head. I carefully meditate with words and thoughts about all that is going on, promise to commit it all to memory so as to post it later, then fail to remember the substance I'd stumbled upon and face a blank screen. For awhile I was really upset with myself - I felt like I was letting myself and the people (few, but treasured!) who read this site down. I was telling GSR and LG about this - how even though I know I could post more frequently if I really set out to do so, posting for the sake of posting just doesn't appeal to me. I know there is little congruency to this site - sometimes It's an outlet for dark thoughts - sometimes for silly flirting stories, sometimes for pics or random observances. But any time I post something it's because it's something I genuinely want to share - sometimes not even want to, but need to. Need a place to vet something and know the experience isn't happening in a vacuum.

All this aside, I have also come to realize that whereas much of my processing and growth in the past few years has found its best outlet in the blog world (both in my own posts and in the opportunity to read and comment on others), right now I feel pressed by some bigger force to take such things into the world in different ways. I'm making a really concerted effort to get music back into my life - to put myself in a position to use it as an outlet and not just background noise. I'm trying to give myself artistic outlets - I bought a sewing machine and have been holding almost weekly "craft" nights with friends to CREATE whatever tickles our fancy. And I'm starting to cook again, and to read more - to move past writing infinite lists and to simply DO more.

It is nice to know that this space is here to process such things when I need to, that it will welcome me at any time, accept my lack of schedule and structure and still collect my wanderings. It is also nice to know that I owe myself more than I owe my blog - and right now that's what I'm trying to focus on. Thank you to those reading for sticking with me, and to GSR and LG (and James who I met last month here in Berkeley) for meeting up and expanding my blog reality just that much more by taking it off the page.

a fine layer

This morning I awoke to window views of mist encircling my neighborhood as if a cloud had decided this would be its final resting place. My room, where I spend the first half of my day working, is all windows on one side with a glimpse of San Francisco out on the horizon. Our neighborhood is lovely; a combination of craftsman, old Victorian and little arched adobes. The yards, with whatever space they have, accommodate an assortment of trees - many of which have donned their fall coats and delight my eyes with brilliant auburn and crimson.

My room is on the third floor of our turn-of-the-century building. When I open my shades I am treated to a view of an assortment of roofs, the city skyline in the distance and anyone who might wander by and rifle through our recycling. It makes me feel at home here to let these views in - to observe life as it happens around me, and not just within me. The challenge of course, is that when it's sunny out I can't work in my room with the shades open because I'm almost blinded by the light. So it is only on these days of heavy mist or overcast that I can really take it all in, and take it in, I do.

Happy November 1st

Quite possibly my favorite picture of me and my brother to date. Hope you all had an equally fun Halloween!