Monday, November 19, 2007

return

I had the great fortune of meeting a few of my favorite bloggers this past Friday on a combined work/vacation trip to D.C. Lemon Gloria and Grad School Reject (and Mrs. Grad School Reject - a special treat!) joined me at Cafe Saint-Ex in D.C. for a couple rounds. It was so neat to verify in person that these people whose thoughts and ponderings have so entertained me in the past year are even more charming in real life than on the computer screen. Even as I recognized the only reason we were meeting in the first place was due to our mutual love of blogging, I had to bashfully admit that lately my blogging habit has been mostly replaced by watching ABC online because it better accommodates the lack of mental capacity I find required to make cold calls all day.

The truth is, these days I do most of my blogging in my head. I carefully meditate with words and thoughts about all that is going on, promise to commit it all to memory so as to post it later, then fail to remember the substance I'd stumbled upon and face a blank screen. For awhile I was really upset with myself - I felt like I was letting myself and the people (few, but treasured!) who read this site down. I was telling GSR and LG about this - how even though I know I could post more frequently if I really set out to do so, posting for the sake of posting just doesn't appeal to me. I know there is little congruency to this site - sometimes It's an outlet for dark thoughts - sometimes for silly flirting stories, sometimes for pics or random observances. But any time I post something it's because it's something I genuinely want to share - sometimes not even want to, but need to. Need a place to vet something and know the experience isn't happening in a vacuum.

All this aside, I have also come to realize that whereas much of my processing and growth in the past few years has found its best outlet in the blog world (both in my own posts and in the opportunity to read and comment on others), right now I feel pressed by some bigger force to take such things into the world in different ways. I'm making a really concerted effort to get music back into my life - to put myself in a position to use it as an outlet and not just background noise. I'm trying to give myself artistic outlets - I bought a sewing machine and have been holding almost weekly "craft" nights with friends to CREATE whatever tickles our fancy. And I'm starting to cook again, and to read more - to move past writing infinite lists and to simply DO more.

It is nice to know that this space is here to process such things when I need to, that it will welcome me at any time, accept my lack of schedule and structure and still collect my wanderings. It is also nice to know that I owe myself more than I owe my blog - and right now that's what I'm trying to focus on. Thank you to those reading for sticking with me, and to GSR and LG (and James who I met last month here in Berkeley) for meeting up and expanding my blog reality just that much more by taking it off the page.

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15 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

It was SO lovely to meet you! Thank you so much for organizing! I haven't yet written up (in my head or online) our meeting because I had a busy running around weekend and need a little bit of quiet time to sit and think about how to write it nicely. Big hug to you!

11/19/2007 11:29 AM  
Blogger Grad School Reject said...

It was great to meet you too! I am also speaking for my wife here, as we both enjoyed meeting you and LG.

And for anyone reading this who has ever wondered, "Is Mood Indigo as cool in real life as she is on her blog?" I can only say this: She is the read deal. If you ever have a chance to meet up with her you shouldn't hesitate.

11/19/2007 11:34 AM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

Seriously - who would not love these two?

11/19/2007 11:48 AM  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

OMG, I love love love Cafe St. Ex.

11/19/2007 11:52 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

I'm jealous you all got to meet up, but happy to hear how much you enjoyed it.

I'm always so interested by the wonderful bloggers like yourself who contemplate what their blog is and what it means. It makes me think there's some deficiency in me or something since I rarely think about it anymore (though I've been knockin' 'em out for three years now). I guess I just want to say that you can write as often or infrequently as you want. We'll always be here to have you open up our minds a bit each time.

11/19/2007 12:29 PM  
Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

I get excited whenever bloglines tells me that you've posted.

11/19/2007 7:23 PM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

Cherry - We had so much fun there, until night two (yes, we went two nights in a row...) and I didn't have quite enough of a buzz to deal with the cluster fu%# downstairs!

Megan - I promise you - there is no deficiency in you or your blog! I always love it no matter what or when you post - so likewise :)

Peter - Per usual, your comment just brings a big 'ol smile to my face.

11/20/2007 8:11 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Really blogs are for the writer unless you are one of those crazy types who lives for their blog. I think you are doing just fine.

11/20/2007 1:50 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I'm so sorry I missed it-- I texted Mrs. GSR to see if you folks were still out, but she missed my text message and didn't get back to me until the next day. Boooo! Hopefully there will be another chance for us to meet in the future!

11/20/2007 4:03 PM  
Blogger Airam said...

How happy am I that you've met the lovely GSR and James?!?!

11/20/2007 4:45 PM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

Thanks Nat!

MG! - for sure, and feel free to look me up if you ever head out to the Bay Area!

Airam - I know - lucky me! And, famous as YOU are - you came up in conversation with both in our collective awe of your ability to teach the little ones and blog like crazy at the same time :)

11/20/2007 10:41 PM  
Blogger Airam said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

11/21/2007 11:44 PM  
Blogger With Love, Fat Girl said...

Simply DO more... I like that. Must do more, not just think about it... you can be my hero for today :)

11/22/2007 8:02 PM  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

You're blogging less and sewing more?

11/22/2007 8:31 PM  
Blogger S'Mat said...

i must be the only blogger to've not been blessed by your radiant smile. met you through james' photos though! that'll keep me sated a bit longer... that and reading a few more posts of yours.

11/27/2007 1:23 AM  

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