lifted

So I realize I owe the final installment of my last dating defuncto - but to be honest, I haven't really felt like dwelling on it. While I want to document this one little piece of my dating repertoire and offer a resolution to those that stop by to see how my so-called love life is going, I think if I spend too much time reflecting on it it will denote that it was somehow a bigger deal than it was.

I love that I have this blog to chronicle this process - because it really forces me to see how I am approaching things and realize when I've, perhaps, actually taken a step forward. I think this was a pivotal experience in that process - because as excited as I was to be potentially "dating" someone who on paper had so many of the things that make me tick - when it didn't work out I didn't enter the "I'm never going to find someone!" death spiral I've been known to dive into in the past.

So, since I don't feel like dwelling - the quick recap: We had a great date two comprised of a yummy brunch, a visit to his place to check movie times and hear him play Claire de Lune on his new piano which, I admit, made me SWOON, and then a trip to see 'The Pursuit of Happyness.' The movie inspired my post on whether to hand hold or not - and looking back I realize that given the circumstances, that would have been premature. In a typical dating situation, it wouldn't have been a big deal - but he'd told me when he asked me out that he'd very recently gotten out of a relationship, and he wasn't sure he was ready to date yet - but he wanted to get to know me. Of course how he ended the first date (by emphatically declaring it an official date) led me to focus less on the nature of the situation, and more on my hopes that something would work out. Still, by the end of the second date, I could tell he wasn't ready. I envisioned his mindset (one I'm extremely familiar with from my own breakup and subsequent foray into dating) - "I could hold her hand, but I haven't held anyone else's hand but the ex's in so long, that's the hand I know how to hold - that's the hand I want to hold." He dropped me off and we chatted for a bit, and we made tentative plans to hang out in the next few days since I'd be leaving for Christmas soon. The plans didn't end up working out - and he told me to call when I was back in town so we could get together after the first of the year.

I was pretty sure that when I got back from the holidays we weren't going to pick up where we left off. But even with that insight, I wanted closure - I wanted explanation since he was the one to initiate everything in he first place. So when I got back I sent him a message, told him about my Christmas and asked where we left things off and where he was at. We'd talked openly about his last relationship so it was a comfortable question, and I wasn't surprised in the least when he told me he'd hung out with the ex over Christmas and he'd realized he wasn't ready to give up on things yet. Even though he'd told me the opposite when we first went out - rather than be upset, I was honestly more relieved to realize that I was no longer at that point myself. It's so exhausting to have someone in your life that you love, that you've shared something so intense with - but for some reason or other you can't make it work. But you can't give up - so you try new tactics, you "work" on things - and maybe in a few circumstances the stars align and it works out - but for the most part, I think it's just a really long, drawn out breakup. I've been there, and I feel for him more than anything because I know he wants to be over it, but he's not.

So that's the end of that story - another experience on the proverbial road to love - a moment to collect myself and realize that I could come across a hundred fantastic guys and none of them may be the right one for me - and that's cool. Because I'm happy where I'm at, happy with who I am, and starting to really enjoy the ride - no matter lies in store.