Wednesday, January 03, 2007

butterfly migration

Oh that I might one day actually learn how to step cautiously in the game of love. I held back on sharing about the last suitor that came up because I did what I always do, I got excited, and I told myself I wouldn't jinx it, and then, well, reality set in. The thing is, it had a lovely start. We had been trading music recommendations for awhile (I've been going to see him play for a couple of years in a local restaurant on Friday or Saturday nights from time to time), and at some point our messages (I tell ya, myspace is worth its billions) began to indicate there was a level of intrigue that extended to the individual, not just the music taste, and he asked me out. But since a happily ever after doesn't appear to be too forthcoming in my life, there was a catch. He'd recently gotten out of a relationship, and wanted to be careful. While the main breakup had happened last summer, they'd briefly reconnected this fall, and had broken up for good only about 3 weeks before. So after we saw each other briefly at a show he had encouraged me to attend, he wrote me honestly expressing his interest, but also his hesitance to jump into dating full on. His honesty was extremely refreshing, and I wrote back and told him a bit about where I was at - that I've been single for over a year now, that I'd dabbled in dating but wasn't very good at it, and would love to get to know each other in whatever way he was most comfortable.

We threw around some non-date but date-like ideas and settled on going to look at Christmas lights a couple of weeks before Christmas. At this point we'd been coming across each other for a number of years when I've gone to see him play - we've exchanged very minor pleasantries from time to time as I've requested songs or chided him for not knowing any by my favorite band (aside from that our musical tastes are almost spot on) and had one slightly more significant interaction when he and my roommate almost went out a couple of years ago. So it was funny to see this guy I'm used to watching over a glass of sparkling wine or a mojito arrive at my house, open the door for me as I got into his truck, and trundle off in search of festive lights.

It was a lovely date. I say date, because when he left at the end of the night, he said, "this was a date, wasn't it?" as if he was kind of tickled by how well it had gone, regardless of how cautious he was trying to be. We'd spent time discussing where he was at, where I was at, and everything in between - including two of the so-called untouchables, politics and religion. He sent me a note the next day saying how much fun he'd had, and how he thought it was really impressive we'd covered both bases and not ended up wanting to strangle each other in the end (even though we initially come from different viewpoints we found a lot of middle ground). I was, as I am prone to be when confronted with someone who gets my brain going like that and is cute to boot, on cloud nine.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is something very charming and endearing about someone willing to jump headlong into love.

I see it as brave, and not a negative in any way.

1/04/2007 4:59 AM  
Anonymous zura said...

Mmm, very nice, very nice. Funny, on my first date with the man I have started seeing now, we discussed politics and religion. Unfortunately. I say unfortunately, because he had some radical theories and I ended up thinking he was a racist jack and had in mind never to see him again. Something won out, though...

1/04/2007 5:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

-ps I think I'm using myspace wrong.

1/04/2007 6:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry it didn't work out. But I am behind you 100% in your efforts to keep at it. Without risk, there's no life, really.

1/04/2007 7:31 AM  
Blogger Eve said...

Well, as long as it's a learning process, there's nothing lost, right?

And what do you mean you aren't good at dating? It seems to me that you aren't bad at it...

1/04/2007 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

non-date dates that end up like dates are my favorite! Lss pressure at the start always leads to better results at the end I think. You are far better at dating than I have ever been in life.

1/04/2007 10:04 AM  
Anonymous zura said...

Hang on, I've confused myself... did the date work out or not? Seems like he gave positive feedback, or is that based on it being a non-date?

Either way, my response will be: bah, you go girl! Cloud 9 is always nice to visit.

1/04/2007 1:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds amazing.


And Peter - you're not the only one using myspace wrong obviously... lol.

1/04/2007 2:19 PM  
Blogger Airam said...

You are getting yourself out there and that's the most important thing!

As far as I'm concerned, a non-date is much much better than no date at all.

1/04/2007 5:07 PM  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

I would like to note that my myspace profile says I'm looking for "friends" - nothing more. Still, it has definitely become a new mode of communication in the dating game - even when the original connection happens elsewhere.

I'll share more about this in future posts - as of right now I think it's dead in the water but I haven't quite got clarity on why, just suspicions. Thanks for the continued support on putting ourselves out there - it's true, that's all you have to do sometimes. I think when I started dating I thought that when the right guy came along, it would all fall into place. It still might - but what I'm learning is that even he who appears to be the right guy in general, might not be the right guy for me (and vice versa).

1/04/2007 5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That did sound very promising from the get go. I'm kinda in a situation like that myself, but hey, the honesty is what makes it tolerable. I've now seen both sides of that equation in the last year and yeah... we live it and we learn from it and hopefully it makes us better at it.

Good on you for putting yourself out there. It's refreshing to find out there's more people out there fighting the good fight.

1/05/2007 12:15 AM  

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