And here we are.

I tend to think I'm good at analyzing other people - why they are how they are and why they make the choices they make. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm very good at doing this for myself. Maybe at one point I was, but lately it seems like every discovery I make about myself has no valid explanation behind it. Suddenly I feel too old to be dealing with my weaknesses - that to succumb to frustration or fatigue is just immature. That it doesn't honor the path I've been taking in recent years to confront moments of total lonliness, fear or abject confusion. It always passes, but in the midst of it I try briefly (before running full steam in the opposite direction, towards the beacon of hope that is day to day bliss) to figure out why it's so easy for me to return to my pitfalls if even the littlest confrontation comes up.