writing is therapy

I have always loved to write, but like so many things in my life - love has not always translated to dedication. In fact, some writing processes (like term papers and other assignments) have been downright torturous. I pride myself (foolishly) on the fact that I turned almost every single paper in late in high school. I was a master at getting extensions - and was rarely penalized for my late assignments. The most impressive example of such procrastination was when I turned in a term paper (upon which my entire grade rested) a full six months late (this was for an independent study course I took with a guest professor in college). I think my procrastination was tied to the fact that I really appreciate what writing is all about - and for that reason it sometimes terrifies me as I fear I won't do it justice. That and I can't stand bad writing - even on a minor assignment. If I was good at anything in school, it was English and writing. So I needed to do it well - and the fear of not doing it well made me put it off.

Blogging has helped my writing process immensely. First off, because unlike assignments and articles I've written in the past - it's first and foremost for me. I can run-on, start sentences with 'and' and simply vent if I need to. And kind-hearted souls out there will even respond! But even as I've freed myself up to do such things, I feel like I am actually learning about and improving on the writing process in a way I've never been dedicated enough to do before.

Somewhat tangentially, I heard an interview with David Crosby the other day that really resonated with me regarding the writing process and how he comes up with his lyrics. He said they often come to him while he's in bed - he'll wake up from a dream and suddenly just need to write them down. It's almost as if he's acting as an intermediary for something else - either that or they come from such a deep place within him they transcend the normal thought process. For the most part - my writing process (at least until this blog) has been somewhat similar. So I could never take myself all that seriously as a writer - because I didn't do much of the "sit down and write" kind of thing that so many accomplished writers practice. It was incredibly edifying to hear someone describe what I DO do, and mention how most writers keep a notepad by their bed and share a similar experience (Scrubs tribute: yes, I just said "do do"). Somehow it made me feel like there is an inherent writer in me after all - that laziness and lack of focus be damned - I have the integral spot inside that finds words before I even know they're there. And maybe I'll never do anything with them like write songs of peace or great poetry - but it feels good to know they might be there anyway.

Now, as a bonafide blogging addict, I at least have an outlet for the daily words and thoughts - and writing is becoming more conscious as I am actually learning to enjoy it for something more than spewing words on a page. Sure - most of my posts are still just that, but I have started to recognize just how long my run-on sentences can be, started to see when a passage could be enhanced by taking words away, rather than adding to it. The rules I once shunned are starting to make sense as I realize how much I have yet to learn about telling a story or engaging someone in an experience. I feel like I'm learning to communicate better and a long-time love has started to become partnered by dedication.

Thanks go to William Smythe today for throwing me a shout out and inspiring me in this post!